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Rob Paxton

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Social Commentary and Satire, the likes of which you won't find elsewhere.

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Before peace on earth, there was hell.


Strange, this work is over 25 years old, and looking back on it, I get why it never sold. But damn, I'm proud of it. Check out a sample, here.

Short Fiction

With all the pieces laying around,

why is life so redundant?


God speaks to all, many hear, one acts.

There exists in every person the potential to do great harm and most people find that potential because it’s easier to find and execute than to find the potential to do good.

Keep the people fed with bread and they’ll catch you stealing them blind. Put a steak on their table, and they won’t care.

Social Commentary is an act of subterfuge that will destroy our civilization, but it just also happens to be a good thing.

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What you believe

What you think

What you know


Unless you’ve happened

Along some great truth

You’d care to share


I’ll share

Chances are

you’re wrong

Never listened

Never learned

All you got

Is what you’ve

been told.


Parents, Friends

Relatives, Politicians


All profound truths

That pale in comparison

to thought, to knowledge

to action, to compassion

to Experience.


Truth from someone

who has never ventured

from their safety

from their warmth

from their family

yet in their world

They know the world

as it is.


Their truth.



Fig it, Newton

In High School physics, we're taught our world is bound together by a set of laws that can never be broke, an apple falls from a tree, to the ground. You know the routine. The apple can never fall upward, outward into space. There's also some kind of law that applies to motion, that an object can only remain in motion as long as a force is applied to it, or something like that. Forgive me for not being specific, but I'm a god damn janitor, not Isaac Newton. All I know is, when my car runs out of gas, it doesn't go any further. Apparently, that's not the case with our universe, because it's not only still expanding, it's expanding faster, and faster, and no educated person has a clue as to why that would be. I'm not so sure I'd agree with that assessment, because when I look out at the night sky, nothing really seems to be moving at all, unless I'm setting around my campfire, tequila in hand, then the entire fucking world is moving, and this is the time of year I desperately need my fire pit. Desperately.

My Way, Finally

If you're an old bag of aching bones, you probably still are a pretty cool cat because you own a smart phone, and you can even video chat with Face Time or Messenger. Makes you feel young again, hip, doesn't it? Well, you're not! What younger people are doing with their phones these days, is making a lot of money, and changing society along the way. Back in the day, porn was a sticky magazine you kept hidden under your mattress. We watched the industry grow into glossy magazines, then film, then Linda Lovelace, then video tapes, then along came the Internet, and web cams.  And then smart phones! The perception is that porn is ruled by dirty old men in smokey dark offices, a perception I doubt. What I don't doubt is the money porn generates, and the influence porn has on society. The digital age is changing how that money is generated, who makes that money, and whose influence reaches the masses. Think I'm full of shit? Here's a good read to prove I'm not. Porn is personal these days, and where it's going to end up is a fascinating guess. One thing I am sure of, the ability to change everything, is here. In it's infancy, but it's here, and porn is the new born. The rest of us will follow suit.

Opportunity Taken

I do not have any doubt, that in the future, however long it takes, that Opportunities final resting place will be a national park encompassing the rovers 28 mile journey.  A journey that was originally planned to last three months, and spanned 15 years. Opportunity, and it's companion, Spirit, left a lasting impression, an indelible image of the little rovers that could, and did. Imagine how cool it would be to jump a couple hundred years into the future, put on a space suit, and follow in their footsteps, to ponder the accomplishments. I would so do that.

On His Majesty's Order

Trumps going to sign an executive order this morning claiming that we are in a state of Emergency because too many people are crossing our southern border, and in doing so, he'll be able to pull funds that are already allocated for spending elsewhere. This is  dangerous territory for democracy and our constitution because the executive branch doesn't allocate money, the legislative branch does. Outside of dangerous territory, is it going to be acceptable for a Democrat to declare healthcare, or school killings a national emergency? This bullshit will come back to bite republicans at some point down the road, but more important, it's going to bite us, the American people in the ass. It's going to further divide us as a people, and move us another incremental step away from our constitution, setting a stage where any leader can pull authorized funding from the military or social programs and direct the money anywhere they want, and like some petty ass dick-of-a-traitor, that money will end up in a personal off shore bank account.

Face up to the fact,

It's Friday.

Run away,

 and be a Psycho Killer.


Clearly, women are powerful human beings but I'm not altogether sure that an ad campaign asking women to set on a mans face is illustrative of women freeing themselves from bondage. Reeboks slogan, 'Sit not on the needle of men’s approval – sit on men’s face.' which ran briefly in Russia as part of their global #BeMoreHuman advertising campaign came to a swift end due to public outcry. Those Russians, I tell ya, always pushing boundaries, always gotta push buttons, but like the creator of the ad said, after resigning, at least people in Russia  now know what ReeBok is. Funny thing tho', a lot of Russian males apparently don't have a clue about women in general, having posted numerous comments asking why a women would set on a mans face? Serious, I ain't making this shit up!

First to Answer

So what if a space faring civilization, you know, aliens, made their way to earth, who would they reach out to upon arrival? A common answer would be to whoever picked up the phone when they called. It makes sense, when you call someone, you have to talk to whoever answers. So the real answer is whoever is listening, and we, here in America are not the only ones with our ears to the stars. Truth is, China has just opened up the biggest, bad-assed telescope ever designed and built to listen for that phone call. Yep, the same China that just landed a probe on the dark side of the moon, for the first time ever. As I think about it, might be that China has already made first contact, how else would they have got permission to land on the moons nether regions.

Brown Fingernails & Stinky Fingers

Not everybody washes their hands, not everybody bathes. Some people carry a toothbrush everywhere they go. People do their hygiene different, and I'm fine with that. I'm even better when some guy goes on national television and says he hasn't washed his hands in a decade because he doesn't believe in germs, because he can't see them. Now, there's a couple of things here, first, I'll never shake hands with a guy who has never washed his hands after taking a shit, cuz sometimes, your hands don't come out glistening clean. Second, I believe it's a good idea that you voice your hygiene protocol on national television, it's a good way to cull idiots from the ranks of the sensible, and third, I'm guessing a lot of people never see God, but their faith is unshakable. So in review, we all agree hand washing is a good idea, it's fine if you don't want to indulge, but let the rest of us know, and God ain't unlocking the pearly gates for those with brown fingernails and stinky fingers.

Gilded and Jaded

A century later and we're right back where we were in 1920 where the rich are getting richer and I'm so frigging poor, I cook my daily oatmeal over a candle, while wearing old socks for gloves, because my heats been turned off, because I owed a past due balance of 23.59$. But hey, I believe those rich folks when they tell me to keep working, and work hard, it'll pay off. After all, their hard work paid off for them, or their daddies hard work, or their grand pappies hard work paid off. I know this is true, because I did the math that I learned in eighth grade. There's 325 million people in the good old USA, and only 400 of those people are hard workers, because they own more then everyone else put together. That means we live in a nation of lazy fucks, yes, you, you're lazy. If you weren't you'd be number 401, but you ain't going to be, cuz I am, I'm going to get up tomorrow and work hard as the day is long, because I got a dream of eating meat one day. Oatmeal everyday sucks!


Meals Served Here

There comes a time when smart people think too much, and a scientist warning that we shouldn't be looking for aliens because if we find them, they might end up eating us. Well, yeah, but life is all about taking chances right? Could be, they might eat one or two people, and barf, so hey, if they gift us the big C cure, and it costs us a bad meal, what the hell. Better yet, maybe they'll only eat the rich. I did learn one interesting thing after reading this article, that there's a larger theory out there, the Dark Forest Theory, that kinda says all the aliens are hiding, because there's one predatory alien species out there that's eating everybody. I ain't afraid though, we got Arnold.

God Damn!

It's Friday

and I need a Drink.


I ain't thinking spring yet, but soon .. soon.

And then there was

Last Week