Blog

About

Rob Paxton

Social Commentary and Satire, the likes of which you won't find elsewhere.

Tap/Click and Sub

Tap/Click to Watch

The Mouth is for Eating

and eating alone. If you indulge in oral sex, you're going to get worms.

 

OK, I'm confused. Oral sex is eating, right? And sucking, licking and slurping? Right? So, like this guys whole belief system that our mouths are made for receiving and not giving is kind of contradictory, right?

 

But worms? Worm transfer? WTF! I better go get tested because I'm probably all wormed up.

The Ruin of Alcohol

is one that travels down a wicked path, making imbibers do crazy, weird.. crazy things. Personally, I'm not talking about driving around in underwear emblazoned with 'Breathalyzer, Blow here', or even being in possession of binoculars, and a cock ring. The craziness is found in his slicked back and overly gelled hair. That's the wild shit booze makes you do, making one think they're handsome and cool.

 

Tequila doesn't mess with your mind like that. So if you gotta partake, go Cuervo. Life lesson, one I've learned.

No, I don't

want to create a virtual world of my deceased loved ones. A world where I can wake up and have coffee with my dad, mull over the headlines with him, and talk about family. Not because the ideas creepy, even while being kinda, sorta temptingly cool, but because I know what would happen. Pretty soon other long dead family members would start showing up, uninvited. Then old friends. Then acquaintances.

 

Hollywood... I have a script ready to go, interested?

 

Nothing like blurring the lines between fantasy and reality, but hey, with all this fake news crap, we're already there, are we not?

On the blog

60

Before peace on earth, there was hell.

 

Strange, this work is over 25 years old, and looking back on it, I get why it never sold. But damn, I'm proud of it. Check out a sample, here.

Cone of Silence

Hey, I get the need for a secure line! But c'mon, 40 plus grand for a super secret phone booth? Why not just use Facebook messenger, I hear that's pretty trustworthy when wanting to keep secrets, or if you're really, really paranoid, there's the old throwback to the cone of silence. I mean it worked for agent 86. I hear he's still just down the hall from you Mr. Pruitt, so stop in and ask for some advice.

Short Fiction

With all the pieces laying around,

why is life so redundant?

GO!

Long Live the Dictator

because Mr. Musk is correct. Human dictators eventually die, paving the way for change. Not so for a dictator that rises from the ashes of war with some unknown Artificially Intelligent robot species. Humanity's stuck with them forever. But not to worry. That only happens in the movies, right?

Oh Brett

what depths have you fallen to that you would fail an audition to shine on Monday Night Football? At least there's condolence in the fact that Peyton failed right along with you. Hey, ESPN, I'm available and I'll do it for a fraction of the 6.5 mil you're putting on the table. That said, I haven't watched since the days of Madden, when MNF was supercool, and relevant.

God Bless Art Bell

I was saddened to hear Art Bell passed last Friday. If you never turned into the strangeness back in the nineties, you missed something special. Really special. Art was, simply the best voice at what he did, and he opened up a world of high strangeness to millions of night owls that toiled away in the darkest hours. I still have a Art Bell bumper sticker posted on my fridge, that's been there nearly fifteen years. Thanks for the ride, Art, and the coolest bumper music there ever was.

I'm not a Trump fan, never have been. I've voiced my displeasure more than once. So why have I been bothered by a lot of Comey's personal comments about Donald Trump? At first, I thought such comments were beyond his dignity, and lowered him to Trumps acidic level of toxicity. That's probably a part of it, but not the whole reason. I think James Comey understands, unlike many, that to battle a monster, you often have to take the war to the monster, on his own playing field. Calling our President morally unfit to be president is a hard truth that many believe, and resonates to those setting on the fence. No American wants to hear that about our President, but it needed to be said in the venue it was said. I don't like Trump as a man, I've always known that. His morals and ideals don't even come close to aligning with what I believe, and I'm far from perfect. The thing is, you cannot separate a mans morals from his behavior, they go hand in hand, Trump has proven that. James Comey is simply reiterating that.

Whoa, It's Friday

Keep a low profile friends.

Space Sperm

So NASA's sending some human sperm samples, along with some bull sperm samples, to mix them up and see if reproduction in space is viable? WTF, they looking to create a Minotaur? Honestly though, isn't there an easier way to see how sex works in space? How about a cozy vacay for me and my wife on the space station, NASA? Give us the room for a free weekend, we'll let you know how it all works out.

Damn Straight, There's

More.

let it load